Find your safety
Therapy for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents in NY and California
Through evidence-based interventions, we will support you in moving towards a life with greater peace and balance.
We specialize in evidence-based therapy for adult children of emotionally immature parents.
What is an Emotionally Immature Parent?
Emotionally immature parent (noun) : a parent or parents who were emotionally unavailable, self-centered, reactive, and/or manipulative. They may struggle with empathy, healthy communication and emotional regulation, leaving their children to navigate complex, unpredictable dynamics during key developmental stages.
What are the Signs You May Have an Emotionally Immature Parent?
Chameleonizing
You’ve learned to adjust to your environment and to others as this may have been a strategy to keep your emotionally reactive parent happy.
Vigilance
You scan the mood and behavior of others to predict their needs and preemptively meet them. This was likely a skill developed to avoid triggering your parent.
Hyper-functioning /Independence
You are fiercely independent as a result of learning to rely solely on yourself in childhood. You may have been praised by your parent for your independence, further reinforcing the pattern.
Minimizing
You are an expert in minimizing your needs because you learned that no one would meet them, not even your caregiver(s).
conflict avoidance
Conflict was always around the corner and unpredictable in its timing, which led to feelings of uncertainty and danger. You work hard now to avoid any conflict.
Reassurance-seeking
Given the unpredictable nature of your childhood environment, you are often on edge and require regular reassurance from others to feel at ease.
Poor relationships
Being raised by a parent who withdrew affection in conflict may have fostered the belief that you need to earn affection. This may make it hard to leave relationships when your needs aren’t being met.
Poor boundaries
You’ve learned that relationships require you to sacrifice your needs and thus, you may have difficulty with knowing your own limits and communicating them to others.
Self-Abandoning
Whether you were considered “good” or “bad” was likely closely linked to your parent(s)’ mood. As such, you may have learned that your worth is defined by others’ feelings.
If these things are on your mind,
you’ve found the right place
Our team will use the following modalities to support you
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CBT is a structured, goal-oriented therapy that focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns, emotions, and behaviors. For adult children of emotionally immature parents, CBT addresses the lingering effects of invalidation, criticism, or unmet emotional needs.
How CBT Can Help:
Challenging Negative Beliefs: Individuals may hold beliefs like, “I am unworthy of love,” or “I need to be perfect to be accepted.” CBT helps identify and reframe these distorted thoughts into healthier, more realistic ones.
Addressing Self-Blame: Many adult children internalize responsibility for their parents’ behavior. CBT fosters understanding that these dynamics were not their fault and encourages self-compassion.
Improving Boundaries: Growing up with emotionally immature parents often leads to difficulty setting boundaries. CBT teaches strategies for establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships.
Reducing Anxiety and People-Pleasing: CBT helps individuals recognize patterns of over-accommodation or fear of rejection and develop healthier ways to relate to others.
Techniques in CBT for Adult Children:
Thought Records: Tracking and challenging self-critical or anxiety-inducing thoughts.
Behavioral Experiments: Testing new behaviors, such as asserting boundaries, to build confidence.
Cognitive Restructuring: Reframing negative beliefs rooted in childhood experiences.
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Somatic Experiencing (SE) is a body-centered therapeutic approach that focuses on the nervous system and how stress and trauma are stored in the body. Growing up in an emotionally unpredictable environment often leaves physical and emotional imprints that SE can help resolve.
How SE Can Help:
Releasing Stored Trauma: Chronic stress from navigating a parent’s emotional immaturity can manifest as tension, hypervigilance, or emotional numbness. SE helps release these stored patterns by working with the body’s sensations.
Regulating the Nervous System: SE teaches techniques to calm the autonomic nervous system, reducing anxiety, fear, and emotional overwhelm.
Reconnecting with the Body: Emotional invalidation can lead to disconnection from one’s physical and emotional self. SE encourages gentle reconnection with bodily sensations, fostering greater self-awareness and grounding.
Creating a Sense of Safety: SE helps individuals develop an internal sense of safety, counteracting the insecurity and unpredictability of their childhood environment.
Techniques in SE:
Grounding Exercises: Techniques to anchor oneself in the present moment, reducing overwhelm.
Pendulation: Moving between states of discomfort and comfort to process emotions gradually.
Body Scanning: Developing awareness of physical sensations and their connection to emotional experiences.
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Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) views the mind as composed of different parts that interact as a system. For adult children of emotionally immature parents, IFS helps heal wounded parts and fosters internal harmony.
How IFS Can Help:
Healing the Inner Child: Many adult children carry a wounded inner child part that holds feelings of abandonment, fear, or unworthiness. IFS provides a framework for nurturing and healing this part.
Understanding Protective Parts: Protective parts, like the inner critic or overachiever, often develop to shield from pain. IFS helps transform these parts into supportive allies.
Reconnecting with the Self: IFS emphasizes the Self—the core, compassionate part—as the leader of the internal system. Reconnecting with the Self fosters clarity, confidence, and emotional stability.
Balancing Internal Dynamics: IFS helps resolve inner conflicts, such as wanting to please others while feeling resentful or drained, by fostering communication and harmony between parts.
Techniques in IFS for Adult Children:
Parts Mapping: Identifying the parts that influence behavior, emotions, and self-perception.
Self-to-Part Dialogue: Engaging with internal parts to build understanding and trust.
Unburdening: Releasing emotional burdens, such as guilt or shame, carried by parts.
In summary
Adult children of emotionally immature parents often face deep and multifaceted challenges, and an integrative therapeutic approach can address these complexities. By combining CBT, SE, and IFS, therapy offers:
Tools to challenge negative thought patterns and foster self-compassion (CBT).
Techniques to release stress and reconnect with the body (SE).
A framework for harmonizing inner dynamics and healing emotional wounds (IFS).
Whether you’re seeking to heal from childhood wounds, establish healthier relationships, or cultivate a stronger sense of self, therapy can provide the support and tools needed to thrive.
Meet our Therapists for Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
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Janine Cheng, LCSW
FOUNDER + CLINICAL DIRECTOR
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JOY BELAMARICH, LCSW
STAFF THERAPIST
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MARISSA KIRSHENBAUM, LMSW
STAFF THERAPIST
After Therapy
Many patients complete therapy after 9 - 12 months and report:
Emotional & Mental Well-being
Reduced guilt, shame, and self-blame for family dynamics
Increased self-worth beyond parental approval or validation
Less emotional reactivity to parents’ behavior or criticism
Greater emotional regulation and resilience in difficult situations
More self-compassion for past struggles and unmet childhood needs
Boundary-Setting & Relationship Growth
Stronger ability to set and enforce healthy boundaries
Less guilt when saying “no” or asserting personal needs
Increased ability to detach from toxic or enmeshed family dynamics
More comfort in limiting or restructuring relationships with parents
Reduced need to over-explain, justify, or seek validation from parents
Healing from Childhood & Family Patterns
More understanding of how emotionally immature parenting shaped self-identity
Less tendency to take parental behavior personally
Increased ability to grieve unmet childhood needs while moving forward
A healthier perspective on what can and cannot change in family relationships
More clarity on personal values separate from family conditioning
Cognitive & Behavioral Shifts
Less people-pleasing and seeking external validation
Increased confidence in making independent life choices
More comfort with emotional vulnerability and self-expression
Reduced tendency to suppress emotions or ignore personal needs
A stronger ability to self-soothe and regulate emotions without guilt
Relationships & Social Well-being
Healthier, reciprocal relationships based on mutual respect
Increased ability to recognize and avoid emotionally immature partners or friends
More trust in healthy emotional intimacy without fear of rejection
Less fear of abandonment or conditional love
A greater sense of belonging in chosen communities and relationships
Self-Trust & Independence
Greater confidence in intuition and decision-making
Less second-guessing and self-doubt instilled by childhood experiences
More ability to enjoy life without seeking constant approval
A stronger sense of personal identity beyond family roles
Increased ability to self-validate rather than rely on others for emotional security
Overall Life Satisfaction
A deeper sense of emotional peace and personal freedom
More enjoyment in life without carrying the weight of family dysfunction
Increased ability to experience joy, rest, and play without guilt
A more fulfilling and self-directed life based on personal values
A sense of empowerment in shaping healthy, authentic relationships
