Find your self and balance
Therapy for Adult Children of Immigrants in NY and California
Find the support you need to navigate your personal journey with confidence, self-compassion, and a strong sense of belonging.
We specialize in evidence-based therapy for adult children of immigrant parents.
What Might it be Like to be the Child of Immigrant Parents?
Adult child of immigrants (noun) : being the child of immigrants often means living between two worlds: the culture and traditions of your parents' homeland, and the new cultural norms and values of the country you were raised in. As an adult child of immigrants, you may feel a deep connection to your heritage, while also struggling with feelings of disconnection, identity confusion, or the pressure to balance multiple expectations.
What are the Signs ?
Code switching
Continuously straddling a bi/multi-cultural identity may cause you to culturally code switch to fit more seamlessly into different environments. This may be in response to a desire to experience a sense of belonging in spaces where you may feel you only partially belong. This may also be a protective response to experiences of racism and discrimination.
acculturation stress
Gaps between your and your family members’ acculturation may cause stress within your family dynamic. This may contribute to feelings of disconnection from your parent(s) as well as conflict over diverging value systems.
Hyper-functioning/independence
You may take on roles and responsibilities that were/are beyond your developmental scope. You may function as a translator, peace keeper, advocate, caretaker. You may be highly capable and independent as a result and feel more accustomed to meeting the needs of others than your own.
Pressure to succeed
You may face high expectations from yourself and your family who may have sacrificed a great deal to provide better opportunities in a new country. You might feel immense pressure to meet or exceed these expectations, whether it’s academic achievement, career success, or living up to familial roles.
Minimizing
The scope of your parent(s) struggles as first generation immigrants may be used to minimize/invalidate your own struggles. You may have difficulty acknowledging negative emotions or your struggles because “your parents overcame much worse.”
scarcity/safety mindset
Your parent(s)’ focus on survival may contribute to a scarcity mindset and aversion to risks that makes it difficult to pursue “frivolous” interests. You may have learned to prioritize safety, saving and security over pleasure, curiosity and adventure. Your relationship to money and spending may be complicated as a result.
Caretaking responsibility
It may be culturally expected of you to be a caretaker to your aging parents, in ways your American peers may not relate to. You may have financial and logistical responsibilities that lead you to feel behind from non-immigrants peers whose more individualist mentality has allowed them greater focus on their individual trajectory.
guilt/not doing enough
You may experience guilt—whether it's about not being able to give back enough to your parents or feeling that your success hasn’t lived up to the sacrifices your family has made. You may feel overwhelmed by a desire to achieve more in order to provide for your family.
Complex sibling relationships
You may experience complex sibling relationships due to differences in gender expectations as well as different levels of exposure to family conflict. Some of your siblings may have left the home earlier or later, leading to feelings of resentment or misunderstanding towards each others’ differing experiences and roles and responsibilities within the family.
Rigid parenting
Your parent(s)’ lack of trust in a new environment may have created rigidity in their parenting that was/is isolating to you. Uncertainty in a foreign place that your parents may have felt ill-equipped to navigate may have contributed to insularity and general fearfulness towards your new environment.
Social isolation
In further response to your parent(s)’ uncertainty towards their new environment, you may have been discouraged from exploring relationships outside the family system. There may have been strict rules against dating or exposure to coming of age experiences. These restrictions may cause you to feel behind from peers who may have more experience in dating and friendship.
Generational Trauma
Immigrant families often carry the weight of generational trauma, such as experiences of hardship, displacement and loss. Your parents may have been managing trauma symptoms during key stages of your development, rendering them less available to you. Witnessing your parent(s)’ mental health struggles may have shaped your own mental health.
If these things are on your mind,
you’ve found the right place
Our team will use the following modalities to support you
The following treatment approaches will help you build the skills you need:
-
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a structured, goal-oriented therapy that focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns, emotions, and behaviors. For adult children of immigrants, CBT offers tools to challenge internalized beliefs and navigate the complexities of bicultural identity.
How CBT Can Help:
Challenging Internalized Expectations: Many adult children of immigrants feel pressure to meet high expectations, such as achieving academic or career success, while also fulfilling familial duties. CBT helps individuals identify and challenge beliefs like, “I have to succeed to be worthy” or “I can’t disappoint my family,” and replace them with more balanced perspectives.
Addressing Guilt and Shame: The sense of responsibility to honor parents’ sacrifices can lead to guilt or shame when personal desires conflict with cultural or familial expectations. CBT helps process these emotions and establish healthier boundaries.
Navigating Identity Conflicts: Straddling two cultures often creates feelings of “not being enough” for either. CBT provides tools to explore and embrace one’s multifaceted identity, reducing feelings of isolation or inadequacy.
Managing Perfectionism and Anxiety: CBT equips individuals with strategies to challenge perfectionistic tendencies and reduce anxiety stemming from high self-imposed or external expectations.
Techniques in CBT for Adult Children of Immigrants:
Thought Records: Tracking and reframing self-critical or guilt-driven thoughts.
Cognitive Restructuring: Challenging and replacing rigid beliefs with compassionate alternatives.
Behavioral Experiments: Exploring new ways of setting boundaries or expressing individuality.
-
Somatic Experiencing (SE) is a body-focused therapy that addresses the physiological impacts of stress and trauma. For adult children of immigrants, SE can help process intergenerational trauma and the bodily stress linked to cultural pressures.
How SE Can Help:
Processing Intergenerational Trauma: The experiences of immigrant parents, such as war, displacement, or discrimination, often leave traces in their children’s lives. SE helps individuals identify and release the somatic manifestations of inherited stress or trauma.
Regulating the Nervous System: Balancing multiple cultural expectations can lead to chronic stress or anxiety. SE teaches techniques to calm the nervous system, promoting a sense of safety and ease.
Reconnecting with the Body: Cultural or familial dynamics may cause individuals to suppress their emotions or disconnect from their bodies. SE fosters safe reconnection with physical sensations, helping individuals process emotions and develop self-awareness.
Building Resilience: Through SE, individuals gain tools to manage stress, navigate conflict, and foster greater emotional and physical well-being.
Techniques in SE for Adult Children of Immigrants:
Grounding Exercises: Techniques to stay connected to the present and reduce overwhelm.
Tracking Sensations: Recognizing and processing physical manifestations of stress or trauma.
Pendulation: Gradually moving between states of discomfort and comfort to process emotions safely.
-
Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) views the mind as composed of different parts, each with its own role and perspective. For adult children of immigrants, IFS provides a framework to understand and heal internal conflicts shaped by cultural and familial dynamics.
How IFS Can Help:
Healing Wounded Parts: Growing up in a household with strong cultural values or high expectations can create parts that feel hurt, rejected, or misunderstood. IFS helps individuals connect with and heal these wounded parts.
Understanding Protective Mechanisms: Many individuals develop protective parts, such as an overachiever or a self-critic, to cope with familial pressures. IFS helps transform these parts into allies rather than sources of distress.
Reconnecting with the Self: IFS emphasizes the Self—a compassionate, confident core—as the leader of the internal system. Reconnecting with the Self empowers individuals to navigate life with clarity, self-assurance, and balance.
Balancing Internal Conflicts: Adult children of immigrants often face inner tension between honoring family values and pursuing personal goals. IFS helps harmonize these parts, fostering internal alignment and self-acceptance.
Techniques in IFS for Adult Children of Immigrants:
bIdentifying and understanding the roles of different internal parts shaped by cultural dynamics.
Self-to-Part Dialogue: Building trust and compassion between the Self and protective or wounded parts.
Unburdening: Releasing emotional pain or inherited beliefs that no longer serve the individual.
In summary
The experiences of adult children of immigrants are deeply shaped by the intersections of culture, family, and identity. An integrative therapeutic approach combining CBT, SE, and IFS offers comprehensive support:
CBT provides tools to challenge limiting beliefs, manage guilt, and embrace one’s identity.
SE addresses the physical and emotional impacts of intergenerational stress and cultural pressures.
IFS fosters internal harmony and self-compassion by healing wounded parts and resolving inner conflicts.
Together, these therapies create a path for healing, self-discovery, and empowerment, helping adult children of immigrants navigate their unique journey with resilience and confidence.
Meet our Therapists for Children of Immigrants
-
Janine Cheng, LCSW
FOUNDER + CLINICAL DIRECTOR
-
JOY BELAMARICH, LCSW
STAFF THERAPIST
-
MARISSA KIRSHENBAUM, LMSW
STAFF THERAPIST
After Therapy
Many patients complete therapy after 6 - 9 months and report:
Emotional & Mental Well-being
Reduced guilt and pressure to meet family expectations
Increased self-worth beyond academic, career, or financial success
Greater emotional regulation and resilience in handling family conflicts
Less anxiety and stress related to cultural identity and belonging
More self-compassion for navigating bicultural experiences
Identity & Cultural Reconciliation
A stronger, more integrated sense of identity between cultures
Less internal conflict over balancing personal desires with cultural expectations
Greater confidence in defining one’s own values and beliefs
More clarity in navigating feelings of being "not enough" in either culture
Increased pride and appreciation for personal cultural heritage
Boundary-Setting & Family Dynamics
Stronger ability to set and enforce healthy boundaries with family
Less guilt when prioritizing personal needs over familial obligations
More comfort with saying “no” to excessive emotional or financial expectations
Reduced fear of disappointing parents or going against cultural norms
Increased ability to communicate needs openly and assertively
Healing from Generational & Immigrant Trauma
More understanding of how parental sacrifices and struggles shaped family dynamics
Reduced pressure to “repay” parents for their sacrifices at the expense of self
More compassion for both self and family in navigating generational differences
A healthier perspective on parental expectations vs. personal
